Life is short!
Break the rules!
Forgive quickly!
Kiss slowly!
Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably.
And never regret anything that made you smile.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Americans Don't Speak Canadian!
An American couple is standing in an airport terminal somewhere in the States, waiting for their luggage.
The wife happens to notice an oddly dressed man also waiting. She asks her husband where he thinks the man is from. The husband says he doesn't know.
He decides to ask the man and approaches him. "Where are you from ?" he asks the man.
" Saskatoon , Saskatchewan " he replies. Puzzled, the husband returns to his wife.
"Well, where is he from ?" asks the wife. "I don't know" replies the husband. "He doesn't speak English."
estate planning
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working inthe: family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with whichto: share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years,my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
emoticons, ASSICONS
We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where:
:) means a smile and
:( is a frown.
Sometimes these are represented by
:-)
:-(
Well, how about some "ASSICONS?"
Here goes:
(_!_) a regular ass
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_*_) a sore ass
{_!_} a swishy ass
(_o_) an ass that's been around
(_x_) kiss my ass
(_X_) leave my ass alone
(_zzz_) a tired ass
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass
(_?_) Dumb Ass
You have just been e-mooned! Send this to 5 people within the next hour and you will be blessed with people laughing at your e-mail. This is NOT a chain letter, so if you don't mail it out, you won't have bad luck. (But who wouldn't want to e-Moon a friend?)
One for the girls
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my shape to keep.
Please no wrinkles,
Please no bags
And please lift my butt before it sags.
Please no age spots,
Please no gray
And as for my belly,
Please take it away.
Please keep me healthy,
Please keep me young,
And thank you Dear Lord,
For all that you've done.
Friday, January 25, 2008
YIKES
This is sent only to those whose level of maturity qualifies them to relate to it...
1977: Long hair
2007 : Longing for hair
1977 : KEG
2007 : EKG
1977 : Acid rock
2007 : Acid reflux
1977 : Moving to California because it's cool
2007 : Moving to Arizona because it's warm
1977 : Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2007 : Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1977 : Seeds and stems
2007 : Roughage
1977 : Hoping for a BMW
2007 : Hoping for a BM
1977 : Going to a new, hip joint
2007 : Receiving a new hip joint
1977 : Rolling Stones
2007 : Kidney Stones
1977 : Screw the system
2007 : Upgrade the system
1977 : Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2007 : Children begging you to get their heads shaved
1977 : Passing the drivers' test
2007 : Passing the vision test
Why, Why, Why
Why, Why, Why
Do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are going dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
And my FAVORITE... The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Zodiac Signs
Once you have opened this e-mail, there's no turning back. Below are true descriptions of zodiac signs. Read your sign, then forward it on, with your zodiac sign and label on the subject line. This is the real deal, try ignoring or changing it, and the first thing you'll notice is having a horrible day starting tomorrow morning - and it only gets worse from there. Remember, if you are on the cusp of another sign you most likely will have features of both signs...which may lead you into total confusion......
AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart ~ (Jan 20 - Feb 18 ) Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique. Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality. 11 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
PISCES - The Dreamer ~ (Feb 19 - Mar 20 ) Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative. May become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Don't like details. Dreamy and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Un selfish.Good kisser. Beautiful. 8 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
ARIES - The Daredevil (Mar 21 - April 19 ) Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic. Fun. Loves a challenge. EXTREMELY impatient. Sometimes selfish. Short fuse. (easily angered.) Lively, passionate, and sharp wit. Outgoing. Lose interest quickly - easily bored. Egotistical. courageous and assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic. 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
TAURUS - The Enduring One ~ (April 20 - May 20th ) Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings who are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts.Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often. Very generous. 12 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
GEMINI - The Chatterbox ~ (May 21 - June 20 ) Smart and witty. Outgoing, very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable but needs to express themselves. Argumentative and outspoken. Likes change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May seem superficial or inconsistent. Beautiful physically and mentally. 5 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
CANCER - The Protector ~ (June 21 - July 22 ) Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome. Excellent partners for life. Protective. Inventive and imaginative. Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others. Easily hurt, but sympathetic. 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
LEO - The Boss ~ (July 23 - Aug 22 ) Very organized. Need order in their lives - like being in control. Likes boundaries. Tend to take over everything. Bossy. Like to help others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted. Generous, warm-hearted. Sensitive. Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving. Doing the right thing is important to Leo's. Attractive. 13 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
VIRGO - The Perfectionist ~ Dominant ~ ( Aug 23 - Sept 22) In relationships, very conservative. Always wants the last word. Argumentative. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to. Hard to please. Harsh. Practical and very fussy. Often shy. Pessimistic. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
LIBRA - The Harmonizer (Sept 23 - Oct 22 ) Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind. Have own unique appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too easily. Procrastinators. Very gullible. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
SCORPIO - The Intense One ~ Very Energetic ~ (Oct 23 - Nov 21 ) Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive. Hardworking. Great kisser. Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds grudges. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long Relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and Emotional. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
SAGITTARIUS - The Happy-Go-Lucky One ~ (Nov 22 - Dec 21 ) Good-natured optimist. Doesn't want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome ). Indulges self. Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and outgoing. Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes. Impatient. Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes. Beautiful inside and out 14 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
CAPRICORN - The Go-Getter ~ (Dec 22 - Jan 19 ) Patient and wise. Practical and rigid. Ambitious. Tends to be Good-looking. Humorous and funny. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often pessimistic. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be unfriendly at times. Hold grudges. Like competition. Get what they want. 20 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
Send away!! ~ Ready ........ Set ............GO!
1 - 3 people = 1 minute of luck
4 - 7 people = 1 hour of luck
8 - 12 people = 1 day of luck
13 - 17 people = 1 week of luck
18 - 22 people = 1 month of luck
23 - 27 people = 3 months of luck
28 - 32 people = 7 months of luck
33 - 37 people = 1 year of luck ...........
38 and more = a very lucky life!
KEEP YOUR SUNNY SIDE UP!!!
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